i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
