I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We talked him into tasing himself.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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