I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
