So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Randomize
