dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
