He felt like a one man threesome
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
