Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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