y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
