I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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