and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
