Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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