it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
