I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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