Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize