I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
