How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
