He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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