my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
