My balls are so social today.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
