the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
