I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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