We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
