Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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