yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
