At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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