i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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