To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
