I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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