I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
