So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
