Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize