reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
