Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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