I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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