I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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