whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
