So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
