The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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