Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
