oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
