1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
