p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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