Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.