The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.