I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
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It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
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although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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