Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
