You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
