Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
