My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
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Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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