dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
50% drunk capacity currently
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
