So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
