I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize