You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
