foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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