how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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