Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
