I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
