My nipple is on Facebook.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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