It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
