You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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