Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize