upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
