its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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