ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
