She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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