I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
