I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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