DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
