and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
