Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
