All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
