I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
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